We went to a dog show and left his royal hiney at home.
Foster: You went to a dog show without me.
Me: I know, we could really only fit three of you and we had to bring Ravyn in case no other Shelties showed to give Splash competition.
Foster: I am competition.
Me: You are neutered, you are no longer in regular classes. We needed a dog in the regular show just in case no other Shelties showed up.
Foster: And I still have not forgiven you… You let my buttons get stolen…
Me: Stop…
Uhura: Guess what widdle dog!?
Foster: Direwolf… you know what I am…
Uhura: Yup you widdle dog…
Foster: What?!
Uhura: Girl showed other doggies!
Foster: She often does that. I have taught her well.
Uhura: No, don’ fink so. Fink da mommy, da lady I is from and her people and big guy taught girl more…
Foster: Dream on. Girl has shown many a fine animal. And you too… Though I do not know why.
Uhura: Dis time she showed da coootest fings! Dey were widdle and had roundy eyes and pokey faces you wanted to boops and widdle uppy ears and hey… you kinda like dat but you too big… and dey have tails dat up-n-over and not like my nubbin’ dey widdle and dey go BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!!!! Jus’ like you… But dey not you. Dey not fealties… Dey too widdles…
Foster: Fealty is what you should pay to me. I am a Sheltie – aka – Direwolf.
Uhura: I fink dey Flooferanians.
Foster: You mean Pomeranians.
Uhura: No, pomegranates not floofy, deez floofy… Flooferanians…
Foster: You are an idiot…
Uhura: An’ best fing! If dey get ‘nnoying dey be bitesized!
Foster: WHAT?
Me: Uhura…
Uhura: Yup dey bitesized. Dey widdle an’ floofy and bitesized! No like Mister Crankypants who is twee chomp sized.
Me: You know better… We have had that talk.
Uhura: I know “Don’ eat da dog! Even if he ‘nnoying me.”
Me: Good girl…
Uhura: ‘cuz it get ‘spensive an’ I has no job… no job dat pays stuff I no eats.
Me: You got it.
Uhura: ‘nyhow – Flooferanians wud gimme harbles, I choke. Jus’ like Chaseycats do. “WWRRROCK, WHRROCK, WHHHHHROCK – gack – eeeewwww!” Only step on da’ heds!
Me: No…
Foster: Why did you allow My Lady to get that beast?
Uhura: STEPONDAHEDS! STEPONDAHEDS! STEPONDAHEDS! WIGGLE DANCE! Oooo looks CHASEYCAT! I gits youse!!!!! Wahoooo!
Foster: You know she just crashed into the gate.
Me: Yup…
Conversations With My Dogs 